Ready or Not

Hard to believe my last blog was May 2018. So much has happened over this time. Some good and some not so good (in my mind). Regardless things happen – ready or not. We can not always prepare for what it just around the corner, other times we can.

Summer time came and went with pool time, mojitos, eldest daughter visiting from away, new rescue Goffin cockatoo joins us, brother-in-law visit with his 4 legged fur baby, selling and buying of a new to hubby motorcycle, new job for hubby, new home for youngest daughter, middle daughter announces new grandbaby due mid June – new starts. We girls shared a fun filled fall whirl wind trip to Vegas to see Christina Aguilera, birthdays, , PhD attained for eldest daughter, Christmas, family, friends, son had a work trip to California, update wills, POA, representative agreement, Living will. All planning, trying to be ready. Then surgery followed by the NOT ready for a cancer diagnosis.

The numbness, the shock, the kick in the gut – not ready. Could you ever be ready to hear those words? The conversation replays over and over in my head. Am I at risk of loosing my partner? My best friend? My everything? Mind racing – jumping ahead I find out the best oncologists to be his beacon, the guiding light to help us navigate a whole new world – the world of cancer. Waiting to see the surgeon for the follow-up. Waiting and more waiting. We were prepared, we were ready for what we expected to happen or NOT. No chemo, just follow-up in three months, followed by more follow-up. We were not ready for that however we gladly accept this. We would have been ready this time.

We try to be ready but we are never really ready. Our minds jump ahead, they backtrack, you coulda, woulda, shoulda yourself. I work as an oncology nurse – I see this every shift, what I don’t see is this affecting us. I leave this at work, I walk away. But it is here, with us.

We breathe in and breathe out – we are ready for that. What is just around the corner we are not always ready for. Don’t fret if you are not ready. For me, I trust in a higher power than myself that we will be OK, that we will make it, and that He is always there, ready to help in ways that I can not comprehend.

Til next time, breathe, take in the moment and know that you are never really ready and that is OK.

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